Archive for October, 2008

How to Make him Propose. At Last.

You’re a woman. You’ve probably read, what, 8,702 relationship books about how to make men crazy with lust and glue them to you until death do you part. So it may come as a shock to you to learn that the real answer to making a man want you bad is no farther than your closet. Providing of course you have something red in there.

Yup, just when you thought it was shiny things men liked, The Today Show goes and shakes up the world of order of lust and sexiness by announcing it’s all about red. According to US researchers, college men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color.

Said researchers, from the University of Fashion and Lust (I kid, they’re from the University of Rochester in Rochester, NY), think this odd phenomenon may have something to do with the fact that red, culturally speaking, is the color of romance. Guys see red and everything blurs into one big Valentine heart, I guess.

Or, maybe the red-lust association has to do with evolutionary biology. Apparently certain male primates go crazy for female baboons and chimpanzees when a certain part of their body sports red (and we’re not talking red nail polish) signaling they’re near ovulation.

Here’s another fascinating tidbit perhaps not so based in a biological imperative. It seems that men are willing to spend more money on a date if – yes, you guessed it – she’s dressed in red. All I can say is, goodbye little black dress.

Sadly, men did not rate women in red as being more intelligent, likeable or kind, just more attractive. So you probably don’t want to wear red to a job interview. No hint, however, at what color will make us appear smarter. Guess we’ll have to just rely on our ol’ gray matter for that. How boring.

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Are You Addicted to Your Vibrator?

The other night I was out with the girls. We popped into the health club for a quick steam and then to the hotel bar across the road for drinks and dinner under palm trees and stars. It was very romantic.

As we sat around the table, conversation sparking like a hundred firecrackers, a thought stuck me. How could three good-looking, fun, accomplished women be not only single on a Saturday night but also completely unconcerned about the singleness of our lives?

It was as though, somewhere along the way, we had lost interest in the dating dance. If only you could go from love at first sight to happily ever after with none of the “getting to know you” stuff in between. And, if you couldn’t, no biggie either: solitude has many virtues.

Maybe we had set our sights too high. Leigh, a tall fifty-year-old woman with shoulder length brown hair and bedroom eyes said she was still looking for her knight in shining armor.

“Isn’t he dead yet?” I said.

Leigh shot me a dirty look. “My parents have that kind of relationship. Why can’t I?”

“Because, Leigh,” I said smugly, “How can Mr. Knight become Mr. Right when he doesn’t even exist?”

“How do you know that?” Gina piped up, flicking her wavy blonde hair off her face. “We’re not all as jaded as you are, Pam.”

I stared at her. “Oh no,” I said suspicion rising. “Don’t tell me you’ve got Knight Fever, too?”

Gina grinned at me. “No,” she said. “I’ve settled for Mr. Sex Just Right.”

Leigh and I sat forward in our seats, all ears. “Continue,” I advised with a queenly wave of the hand.

“Well,” said Gina taking in a deep breath. “I met this fantastic guy but there’s one problem. I can’t seem to come without my vibrator.”

“Oh,” I said heavily. “That is serious. If a guy can’t compete with a vibrator, he hasn’t got a hope in hell.”

“Oh, stop, Pam,” ordered Leigh disapprovingly. She turned to Gina and touched her arm consolingly. “Does he know what he’s doing in bed?” asked Leigh.

“Yes, yes, he’s a great lover,” said Gina.

“Maybe he just doesn’t like threesomes,” I said, “And is afraid to tell you.”

“He said he doesn’t mind the vibrator,” said Gina.

“Doesn’t ‘mind’ the vibrator?” challenged Leigh. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“There are only two courses of action,” I announced slapping the table with authority. “Either you’re addicted to your vibrator, which believe me, is nothing to be ashamed of—“

“Or?” asked Gina waving me onto the next point.

I crossed my legs and leaned back in my chair, intertwining my fingers behind my head. “Or,” I continued. “This is a classic case of the V-shortcut syndrome.”

Gina rolled her eyes and looked at Leigh. “I never know what she’s talking about.” Gina looked back at me. “What are you talking about?”

“V as in vibrator, ladies,” I explained. “The V-shortcut allows you to bypass any discomfort and anxiety you may have being with a new sexual partner. It also has the added benefit of bypassing his ineptitude, should there be any.” I leaned in for effect. “And, let’s face it, there almost always is.”

Gina and Leigh stared open mouthed, shaking their heads with confusion.

“In other words,” I went on. “It’s a performance prop—for him. You come quickly and he feels like his penis is almighty and all-powerful. I hate to tell you this, Gina, but you’re a Penis Pleaser.”

“A what?” said Gina stunned.

“A penis pleaser,” I said. “It’s part of the syndrome.”

“I thought that’s what you said,” said Gina bursting into laughter. “You’re insane.”

“Mark my words, girls,” I said with a know-it-all smile. “It won’t be long before there are 12-step programs for vibrator addiction due to overly zealous penis pleasing.”

“Oh tell me, Mistress Pammy,” mocked Gina. “What’s the cure?”

“Talk to the penis, Gina.” I said with a definitive shake of the head. “Talk to the penis. Tell it who’s really in charge.”

Do you worry about being addicted to your vibrator? Is your partner getting jealous because of all the pleasure you’re having by yourself? Or, has your vibrator become your significant other?

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Let’s Talk Menopause!

Empowher.com interviewed me about why I went public with my very personal story about going into menopause early and then starting bioidentical hormones. I told them I was crazy and that not even hormones could fix that. No, seriously, I explained that I wrote the book that helped me sort out all the confusion and contradictory information about menopause and hormones. I was also desperate to feel better, what with all the menopause symptoms I was experiencing. I knew if I needed this information other women might, too.

One of the reasons I have chosen to go public with my story in the book and in an attempt to explain the science in ways women understand, is because I am just stunned at how women diminish their lives, and I felt that this was a small contribution to opening up the dialogue, and now there are women out there who are trying to open this discussion.

And it’s almost as though, you know, it’s a bad thing to talk about a woman’s sexuality, that we should be focused on our intellectual and career accomplishments, and I mean that’s all well and fine, and I believe in all that stuff and I have been a professional all my life, but you know, sexuality is still a big part of it. Why should we lose that piece?

So writing the book is a big part of opening up the dialogue, and I am willing to talk about pretty much anything with people, and I think the fact that I’ll come forth and I have taken responsibility for myself and taken chances and done what I think other women are interested in doing, I think I am helping to set something and bring example, and I am an open book., so if you need any information from me, you’re going to get it. So that’s the best I can do, but it still surprises me how women settle for less.

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How Testosterone Sent my Sex Drive into Overdrive

Recently I was interviewed about going on testosterone after I started hormone therapy for menopause. I mention Dr Kaib — she is the physician who helped me figure out the hormone dose that was best for me. (Unfortunately, she isn’t seeing patients anymore or I’d pass on her contact information.) Typical for me, I didn’t listen to her and went overboard on testosterone with remarkable results I’d rather not repeat. Let’s just say the stuff works. One last note, I mention Chris in my talk — he’s Dr Chris Heward, a hormone scientist and coauthor of my book on menopause, Ride The Pink Elephant.

I didn’t really understand that when I went to Dr. Kaib I would be getting a prescription for testosterone in addition to the progesterone and the estrogen. I knew I would be getting progesterone because that counterbalances some of the negative effects of estrogen on the uterus.

But testosterone was a whole new ball game, but we all have, all women have quantities of testosterone in them, and it’s kind of a well-being hormone. I mean, estrogen certainly has its well-being aspects too, but we need a little bit of the testosterone for what I call the “giddy-up.”

And so I got my prescriptions and I started playing around with the doses, and it’s tough to regulate how much you’re getting. I still, to this day, don’t understand the scripts and how they dose the stuff, and you’re given these little teaspoons and you put like a quarter of a teaspoon or whatever it may be, and you rub that on your inner thighs and away you go.

And you don’t know and you can only measure what happens to your symptoms, and I made the mistake of overdosing on testosterone, and I didn’t know it until I realized that slowly but surely, all my thoughts resolved to one single idea, and that was sex.

I could not stop thinking about sex and you know, I am your average woman when it comes to sex. I mean, I like it but I am not obsessed with it, and I just couldn’t understand what was happening to me. I mean, it just got to the point where my whole day was focused around finding sex and you know, I wasn’t dating anybody at the time, and so it was all about “Can I get in out there and enjoy this new hormonal me?”

It got a little out of hand for a while. What was so incredible about the experience of having too much testosterone was, I was beginning to think like a guy about sex. I mean, it was just about doing the act and you know, I didn’t want any of the cuddly stuff. I just wanted to get in and out and get the job done.

This went on for probably about three months. And then one day I phoned up Chris and I told him what was going on. I think he nearly fell off his chair laughing at me, and he told me to rein the dose way back in. Meanwhile, I thought I was Lois Lane with kryptonite here, but so I tailored back the dose and now I am normal.

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