Archive for May, 2009

Ask a Cougar: Why do Younger Men Like Older Women?

I got an email from an anonymous cougar who wonders why younger men like older women. She’s had a relationship with a young man and described it as torture, always worried if he’s comparing you to younger women.

Well, I got news for you. He’s already compared you with girls his age. They came up silly, slutty, and boring. You came up intriguing, sexy, and exciting. He went with you. That’s not my opinion. I interviewed my cub, Michael, because, I too have often wondered about this.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Pamela: You’re 28. Why are you attracted to older women?

Michael: Women in their twenties are a) quite boring, b) quite unintelligent, c) only wanting to settle down into some kind of marriage situation, and d) really not bringing much to the table.

Pamela [clearing her throat as she attempts to recover from his pointed analysis]: Top three things that appeal to you about older women?

Michael: Sexually, they know specifically what they want. That helps a younger cub who is not necessarily inexperienced but may lack direction and confidence in terms of how to please a woman. A younger woman in her twenties probably doesn’t know herself or what she likes so wouldn’t be able to communicate it.

Pamela: Why is this sexual confidence so much more attractive?

Michael: It makes for a better, more fulfilling sexual experience.

Pamela: Anything else you like about older women?

Michael: In theory, a cougar is more self-sufficient and they’ll pay for things. A girl in her twenties probably is a student or in transition. It’s not as much fun. You’re limited to what you can do socially and travel-wise.

Third thing I’d say that is appealing about older women is that they’re more sexual. They’re willing to explore more and know what buttons to push to challenge the cub to a higher level of performance.

Pamela: I think you already mentioned sex. It’s mostly about sex for you then?

Michael: It’s not just sexual. The summation of the appeal of cougars is they know exactly what they want and they communicate that.

Pamela: Any downside?

Michael: Gray hair. Kidding. I would say social awkwardness and different interests and friends. That makes it more difficult to share things. A cougar’s done a lot of things by her age. She has more specific wants and needs socially. You’re not going to get her to just hang out say.

Another big negative is if they have kids. Also, there’s a limited future in the sense that if you end up falling in love and there isn’t clear communication about expectations, there could be problems. It’s not the same outcome as it might be for an older man marrying a younger woman. It’s less socially accepted for an older woman to be with a younger man so it requires more effort and understanding on both parts.

Lastly, she’s probably out of touch with younger culture.

Pamela: Culture? [snickering] That’s a big word to describe sitting around watching TV.

Michael: And they definitely stereotype.

Pamela: Out of the mouths of f**king babes, is all I can say.

---

Ask A Cougar: Should You Consider a Job in Porn?

Just when I was wondering, ‘What’s next in porn?’ Along comes an article in the May 2009 issue of Marie Claire about the rise of MILF porn.

For those who fell into a rabbit hole a few years ago, the term, MILF, stands for “mom I’d like to fuck.” According to SugarDVD, a Netflix-style service for porn, MILF porn is the second most popular genre (after interracial), up from 14th place last year. The company’s most popular title, It’s a Mommy Thing 4, recently overtook five-week champion, It’s a Mommy Thing 3. On YouPorn.com (a YouTube knockoff will millions of daily visitors), the top 10 search terms include MILF, mature, and wife.

The big debate online isn’t, ‘How will this affect the expression, “As American as mom and apple pie?”’ Nope, it’s how old does one have to be to qualify as a MILF? This is fiercely debated by fans. Industry standard puts the minimum age at 30. But then there’s actress Demi Delia (MILFs Night Out, Lowfat MILF) who is 41 and regularly gets fan mail from 25-year-olds. Smarter minds will have to wrestle with this one.

In the meantime, maybe it’s not such a bad thing being sexually objectified in your forties (words I never ever thought I’d write). MILF porn director, Alex Braun, says MILF popularity reflects mainstream Hollywood, where older actresses are playing seductresses both on and off camera. There’s Demi Moore, of course, who looks hotter than she did at 25, he says. There’s also the saturation factor with “teenagers dressed as sluts,” which peaked around the time of the Paris Hilton sex tape.

“There’s just not much fantasy there,” explains Braun. “Instead we’re playing into the idea that a more mature woman knows what to do in bed.”

All I can say is, ‘Steer clear, Desperate Housewives!’ The MILFs are here and the Cougars are bringing up the rear guard. Just recently, The Cougar premiered. It follows the format of The Bachelor only this time a forty year old is looking for true love in a group of goofy guys in their early twenties. Soon, Courtney Cox’s new show, Cougar Town, will launch. Makes me feel good to think that us old broads still have some use.

---

Ask A Cougar: How to Be a Cougar Woman

You ever hear that statistic about how the more educated you are, the less likely you’ll want to marry? Or how the divorce rate increases with each marriage? What does that tell you? Maybe that us seasoned gals got more interesting things to do than fuss and fret over what he meant by that comment, or what he was really doing that weekend. We’re busy doing exactly what we want to do and not necessarily because there’s some grand sense of purpose and destiny behind it. Maybe it’s just fun and feels good.

And that frankly is all it takes to be a cougar. The ability to say, “Screw that, I’m doing it my way.” Or put another way, “I’m going to follow my heart—at last.”

Whatever you call it, I’d be less than perfectly seasoned in my advice if I didn’t forewarn you. The simple knack of following your heart is virtually guaranteed to take you off the usual life paths. And sometimes you’ll have to put up with stupid shit like people labeling you a “cougar” just because your boyfriend’s a tad younger than you.

My attitude about the whole cougar thing is to try not to get too hung on it the word itself—to get down to the gestalt (so to speak) of the label.  At which point, it dawns on me that being a cougar is really about freedom spiced, perhaps, with a dash of rebellion.

Now doesn’t that sound fun—far more so than trying to follow a bunch of antiquated rules in your head? Rules like, marry a guy with an actual profession or at least some bank. Have two kids and raise them to be geniuses, while launching a non-profit organization to save the world from poverty and/or global warming. Be super nice but never a push over. Throw neighborhood parties where even pets are invited. Get tipsy on an excellent Chardonnay but not hammered or, perish the thought, sloppily drunk. Be happy with sex once a year, and for god’s sake, keep your depression to yourself.

Good grief, why waste the second half of your life chasing someone else’s idea of the good life? I have girlfriends in their forties who still think they’ll be sucked into a black hole of loneliness and destruction if they’re not married by the time they hit fifty. Even I used to think that, even though statistics show that Americans are less likely to marry than ever before. Let’s stop being so darn responsible and conformist, and start having some fun on our terms—even if it means being called a cougar. Marriage has become a barometer of well, nothing, and I’ve certainly been called worse.

---