Archive for October, 2009

Female Hormones and Weight Gain

Calling all chubby cougars. Here’s weight loss help! Everything you need to know about female hormones and weight gain.

Recently, I got invited to a cougar-themed birthday party. The birthday girl was turning 40 and wanted to celebrate her finally qualifying for the club that has more fun (the cougar club–what else?) by forcing all her friends to wear animal prints and behave very badly.

So far, so good, right?

Except for when I arrived and scoped out the “jungle scene,” I couldn’t help but notice that most of the cougars were, well, on the chubby side.

Okay, they were fat.

Now before you go and flip out about that word, let me just say, it’s not about being a certain shape, as in a size zero. I’m nowhere close to that and never want to be. It’s about being in shape, whatever your shape may be. You know–fit, tight, a nice package, with nothing that could flap around in a strong wind. Put that in a bowl and you’ll have every cub in a hundred mile radius lapping it up.

So, what had happened to these gals (and guys)?

I can’t speak for the guys but I’ve got a pretty good idea about what happens for the gals. Blame it on hormones–specifically, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. When you hit your forties, they just aren’t working in your favor anymore.

What’s a cougar to do? Why talk to a doctor, of course. But not just any doctor—someone who specializes in hormones and the haywire they can cause.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go far to find one. Dr Eric Honing of BodyLogicMD specializes in hormone balancing, anti-aging and regenerative medicine using bioidentical hormones. Most of his practice is women over forty. I called him up and asked him if he could help slim a chubby cat. He kindly obliged, sympathetic, as he is, to the fact that weight is a huge issue for women.

I’ve summarized what he told me here:

WHEN PROGESTERONE DROPS: Starting in the thirties, women begin to experience the effects of so called “estrogen dominance.” This happens when progesterone levels drop and results in weight being put on around belly and thighs. There are other symptoms, too, including: loss of energy, anxiety, depression, irritability, edema, drop in libido, and poor sleeping. “At this stage,”
says Dr Honing, “We focus on restoring levels of progesterone using bioidentical hormone in capsule or cream form. It’s very effective.”

WHEN ESTROGEN DROPS: As women get closer to menopause, they begin to experience a drop in estrogen, bringing symptoms, such as, hot flashes, loss of skin elasticity, increased skin wrinkling, poor memory, low libido, and increased urinary tract infections. Estrogen also helps keep brain serotonin levels up (similar to antidepressants, which also increase serotonin levels). When serotonin drops, it triggers sugar cravings. “At this stage,” says Dr Honing, “We’re monitoring to restore estrogen.”

WHEN TESTOSTERONE DROPS: Testosterone is also important for regulating weight. It helps reduce body fat, and build muscle mass and tone. It also increases libido and improves mood. Testosterone starts dropping in the thirties so it’s important to restore this hormone, too.

Progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen are just the beginning. Dr Honing explained that it’s also important to check the adrenal glands and the thyroid gland. The adrenals make DHEA and cortisol. DHEA affects weight because half of the testosterone our body makes comes from DHEA. Cortisol also affects weight: if it’s too high due to, say, a stressful lifestyle, it causes weight gain. If it’s too low due to, say, burn out (adrenal exhaustion), the body has a hard time shedding excess weight no matter how much you diet or exercise. Restoring progesterone levels and taking adrenal supplements help rebuild the adrenals, as does reducing stress and exercising.

Dr Honing also assesses thyroid levels and checks for insulin resistance. Insulin resistance increases the ratio of fat to muscle. It’s related to a diet high in refined carbohydrates, smoking, and high alcohol consumption.

So let’s say you find a Dr Honing in your area and you fix all your hormones, what can you expect? Will the weight just drop off?

Nothing is that simple. “We look at everything—fitness, supplements, diet, stress, and hormones, says Dr Honing, “Because one thing can affect everything else.” The great thing about restoring balance, he adds, is that it pays dividends on every level of your life. And the weight loss? “You can expect to restore your normal body weight,” says Dr Honing, “And for some women who have not had good balance throughout their lives, the weight may drop even lower.”

Word of caution. This isn’t a one size fits all approach. Hormone levels need to customized to your exact needs. Then you need to monitor that. My advice? Find a good doctor, someone who specializes in this stuff. It doesn’t hurt if he’s good looking, too (have you seen Dr Honing’s picture?).

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Why Women Have Sex

What is good sex for? I’ve asked myself that a million times and come up with the uninspired answer—it feels good. Thankfully there is now real research providing hundreds of more reasons, some even surprising. All of which explains why sex gets so complicated for women especially—we ask a lot from it.

As reported in Time on October 6, Cindy Meston and David Buss, psychologists at the University of Texas, interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book Why Women Have Sex. They list 237 reasons, with the most frequent including:

• sexual attraction to the person
• desire for physical pleasure
• to express affection
• to express their love for a person
• they were sexually aroused and wanted release

Other less obvious reasons are:

• to boost self-esteem or sexual esteem
• to get revenge (as in, getting back at a cheating partner, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached her partner)
• to secure “mate insurance” in case a partner dumps them
• to relieve pain
• to achieve health benefits such as getting rid of a headache
• to decrease stress
• to lose weight
• as a sleep aid
• for benefits such as “getting her partner to take out the garbage, securing free dinners or getting expensive gifts”

Men, on the other hand, are more likely to have sex simply because the opportunity presents itself or they need something to brag about to their peers.

No surprises there.

But here’s a finding that gave me pause, mostly because I’ve noticed it more lately. Researchers documented that the practice of “mate-poaching” was higher than expected.  That’s the frequency with which women try to lure men who are already “taken,” either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term relationship. Turns out most women have experienced mate-poaching in one form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.

I know I have, when I was married, in fact. I remember looking over at my husband at the time; he was dancing with the girlfriend of the host at a New Year’s party. I thought to myself, “that’s so cute,” and actually waved at them. He’s married to her now.

I like to think I’m a little sharper these days. Especially since the older I’ve become, the more it seems the pool of eligible men has shrunk to a teardrop. When this happens say the researchers, sexual competition with other women gets more fierce.

I’m the last person to encourage you to eyeball your girlfriend suspiciously as, awestruck, she watches your husband take out the garbage. Unless of course she unbuttons the top of her blouse and bends over a lot as she asks for seconds at the dinner table.

Nope, I’m all about the proactive approach. Rather than rely on your peers for intimate relations, venture forth beyond the generation gap. Expand that dating drop to an ocean. Consider, dare I say, a younger man.

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The Truth About Male Escorts

I know, I know. You’re just dying to find out what it’s like to go out with a male escort—to have a “date” completely on your terms. Of course, you’re also curious to discover just what the draw is from the customer’s point of view for, allegedly, the oldest profession in the world (prostitution, which for the most part, has put women on the service provider side the equation).

Now before you get your fingers all covered in chocolate, I don’t mean to imply that all male escorts are gigolos (for more on male escorts, see my earlier post). I’m sure most of them are only too happy to fill the empty chair beside you at some boring charity event—laughing at your jokes, telling you how beautiful and smart and sexy you are, and ensuring that your wine glass floweth over. Charging you a mere $200 per hour (with a two hour minimum) for all that stroking and wholesome pleasure. That at least is the “Handyman’s” rate (AKA, adonis). Thanks to the ravings of one very satisfied customer (Tamara Clark, who said I could use her real name), I’ve come to learn about his dating assets in considerable detail.

Part One: The Customer Review

Me and my girlfriends all went out to Friday’s to eat and booked a room at a hotel here in Chicago[1]. After we finish eating we went to the hotel etc. I went to use the ladies room and notice a gold card right by the dryer. I picked it up and notice it had male courtesan on it and I already know what it was…LOL. I don’t know why but I picked it up. So after my girlfriends went to sleep I went to the website address that was on the card, and I must say I was shocked. I really didn’t think there where guys out there that did this.[2] Anywho I sent him an email and we chatted for a few weeks, but he would not give me a picture. I asked him why and he said he doesn’t just give out pictures to any woman that asks because that’s a waste of time. He only shows the picture after you are sure you want to book a date[3]. I was because when I read he was 12 inches wanted to know LMAO[4]. When he sent me his picture I was wet LOL. I liked what I saw so we had set up a date. His fee for me was 500.00 flat rate[5], That wasn’t bad at all…I was soo nervous. I just put on a coogi dress[6] and some high heels. We met up at a pool hall, When he walked in my whole face lid up LOL. He smelled sooooo good (dam he smelled good). I was ready to fuck him right there. He was in a business suit. He played pool and laser tag[7]. He has a great personality[8]. After we played tag we went to eat but I could not eat, I wanted to fuck him. So we did but I wanted it to be exciting for me did it in my truck LMAO. HIS DICK WAS HUGE. I LICKED THAT DICK LIKE IT WAS CANDY LMAO[9]. No hotel, just straight wild in my truck LOL[10]. I never had that much fun in my life. One of my girlfriends is about to go out with him this month. I don’t want any other escort but him and I will be using his services again around Thanksgiving[11]. No man never made my kitty that sore LOL[12]. Oh yeah here is the link to his site:  http://freewebs.com/handymaninc

My Footnotes:

1.    This is a common thing in Chicago. After the girlfriends go for dinner they book themselves into a nice hotel for a group sleepover.
2.    When I read that I went to the website immediately. It wasn’t so shocking. There are no nudie pics on it, just shots of romantic settings–as though women care about that kind of thing.
3.    This is something else particular to Chicago, where all the women are brave and think nothing of hooking up with a guy they’ve never seen and whose card they’ve found in a public bathroom.
4.    LMAO is, amazingly, my exact response to learning a guy has a dick the size of a pony’s—as in, “you think that’s going in here? [pointing to crotch] Funny! Really funny! [peals of laughter]”
5.    Cheap.
6.    Can someone help me–what the hell is a “coogi dress”?
7.    Just when I was starting to think this guy was a one-trick pony, I find out he plays pool and laser tag—and in a business suit and with cologne on. He should be charging extra for that.
8.    Do we care?
9.    I hear the jaw surgery afterward went well and she’s recovering nicely.
10.    WTF, if you’re paying that kind of money for a date, you’d at least want to check into a Motel 6 or some other special place.
11.    Mom is going to love this guy. Dad, too.
12.    I have often rated a guy’s performance based on how sore my kitty got.

Part Two:  My Further Commentary

OMG, ROTFLMAO!

I’m so glad I wasn’t born yesterday because AFAIK, this review was written by a bot or the male escort himself who’s clearly seen his dick and knows of what he writes.

IMHO.

PS: I could be wrong. But I doubt it.

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