Hormones + Menopause

What’s A Vagina to You?

Many things come across my desk—cups of coffee, various papers, bowls of ice cream, cats, and even the odd dog—but perhaps the most curious of all was a book titled, Shmirshky, written by “E” (for every woman).

A “shmirshky” (pronounced shmersh-key) as it turns out is E’s word for vagina. The penis she calls an “erlick” (rhymes with herlick). The book is about something that affected E’s shmirshky and has or will affect every other shmirshky in the world: perimenopause and menopause, which the author refers to as “PM&M.”

Now I thought thanks in part to the Vagina Monologues, we finally got over our fear of the word, vagina. I thought by the time women entered menopause, they could be officially considered in “A” (adulthood) and thus, not reliant on euphemisms and cuteness to make life palatable.

OMG was I wrong, like really wrong.

After talking with a number of women friends, it’s clear I’m the only one who doesn’t have nickname for her vagina. “Va-j-j” was popular. “Bo-dee” did double duty as being a descriptor for both the penis and vagina. There was “gina,” “pusois,” “love box,” “puddy,” and a few others I’d rather forget.

Back to Shmirshky, the book. What can it tell you about your “honey pot” you don’t already know? Well, it all depends on where you’re at. If you’re new to menopause, it’s a great primer. The author explains what you need to know simply and succinctly. Given the overwhelming and often confusing information on the topic that alone is reassuringly helpful. E also offers an overview of important diagnostic tests and what they mean, while clarifying the difference between symptoms that look like menopause but may in fact be related to something else, such as a thyroid problem. She sums it all up in a chapter called, “shmirshky don’t-jump-off-a-cliff notes.”

Shmirshky, as the E explains in the introduction, was written as an act of friendship and the tone of the book is warm, supportive, and kind—things most women need in spades when going through menopause.

Having written a book on menopause myself (ridethepinkelephant.com) and having grappled with all the emotional craziness and medical complexities therein (especially around hormones), we gals also need practical guidance, which Shmirshky delivers. Things like how to handle weight gain when your hormones go out of whack (toss the stuff that doesn’t fit, get Spanx, get a seamstress). And how to find a good doctor, which is harder than it sounds and in my experience, the key to a relatively stress-free menopause.

If you’re used to putting everyone’s needs before yours, screening docs can be especially challenging. E counsels women to give up the “’I'm fine’ cover-up” and come clean with your doctor about what you’re going through.

“Many shmirshkies spend more time researching hotels, hairdressers, and restaurants than researching doctors,” writes E as she implores women to put themselves first for a change. “Think of the doctor-patient relationship like you would a business partnership,” she says. “Would you go into business with someone who doesn’t listen to you and sincerely respect your opinion? Don’t settle for less than you deserve!”

Advice like that makes me forgive all the exclamation points, nicknames, and acronyms. By the end of the book, I confess, I was still smarting from being left out on the whole name-your-shmirshky thing. So, I’ve come up with my own name. It’s “bunny tail.” Is that cute or what?

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Female Hormones and Weight Gain

Calling all chubby cougars. Here’s weight loss help! Everything you need to know about female hormones and weight gain.

Recently, I got invited to a cougar-themed birthday party. The birthday girl was turning 40 and wanted to celebrate her finally qualifying for the club that has more fun (the cougar club–what else?) by forcing all her friends to wear animal prints and behave very badly.

So far, so good, right?

Except for when I arrived and scoped out the “jungle scene,” I couldn’t help but notice that most of the cougars were, well, on the chubby side.

Okay, they were fat.

Now before you go and flip out about that word, let me just say, it’s not about being a certain shape, as in a size zero. I’m nowhere close to that and never want to be. It’s about being in shape, whatever your shape may be. You know–fit, tight, a nice package, with nothing that could flap around in a strong wind. Put that in a bowl and you’ll have every cub in a hundred mile radius lapping it up.

So, what had happened to these gals (and guys)?

I can’t speak for the guys but I’ve got a pretty good idea about what happens for the gals. Blame it on hormones–specifically, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. When you hit your forties, they just aren’t working in your favor anymore.

What’s a cougar to do? Why talk to a doctor, of course. But not just any doctor—someone who specializes in hormones and the haywire they can cause.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go far to find one. Dr Eric Honing of BodyLogicMD specializes in hormone balancing, anti-aging and regenerative medicine using bioidentical hormones. Most of his practice is women over forty. I called him up and asked him if he could help slim a chubby cat. He kindly obliged, sympathetic, as he is, to the fact that weight is a huge issue for women.

I’ve summarized what he told me here:

WHEN PROGESTERONE DROPS: Starting in the thirties, women begin to experience the effects of so called “estrogen dominance.” This happens when progesterone levels drop and results in weight being put on around belly and thighs. There are other symptoms, too, including: loss of energy, anxiety, depression, irritability, edema, drop in libido, and poor sleeping. “At this stage,”
says Dr Honing, “We focus on restoring levels of progesterone using bioidentical hormone in capsule or cream form. It’s very effective.”

WHEN ESTROGEN DROPS: As women get closer to menopause, they begin to experience a drop in estrogen, bringing symptoms, such as, hot flashes, loss of skin elasticity, increased skin wrinkling, poor memory, low libido, and increased urinary tract infections. Estrogen also helps keep brain serotonin levels up (similar to antidepressants, which also increase serotonin levels). When serotonin drops, it triggers sugar cravings. “At this stage,” says Dr Honing, “We’re monitoring to restore estrogen.”

WHEN TESTOSTERONE DROPS: Testosterone is also important for regulating weight. It helps reduce body fat, and build muscle mass and tone. It also increases libido and improves mood. Testosterone starts dropping in the thirties so it’s important to restore this hormone, too.

Progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen are just the beginning. Dr Honing explained that it’s also important to check the adrenal glands and the thyroid gland. The adrenals make DHEA and cortisol. DHEA affects weight because half of the testosterone our body makes comes from DHEA. Cortisol also affects weight: if it’s too high due to, say, a stressful lifestyle, it causes weight gain. If it’s too low due to, say, burn out (adrenal exhaustion), the body has a hard time shedding excess weight no matter how much you diet or exercise. Restoring progesterone levels and taking adrenal supplements help rebuild the adrenals, as does reducing stress and exercising.

Dr Honing also assesses thyroid levels and checks for insulin resistance. Insulin resistance increases the ratio of fat to muscle. It’s related to a diet high in refined carbohydrates, smoking, and high alcohol consumption.

So let’s say you find a Dr Honing in your area and you fix all your hormones, what can you expect? Will the weight just drop off?

Nothing is that simple. “We look at everything—fitness, supplements, diet, stress, and hormones, says Dr Honing, “Because one thing can affect everything else.” The great thing about restoring balance, he adds, is that it pays dividends on every level of your life. And the weight loss? “You can expect to restore your normal body weight,” says Dr Honing, “And for some women who have not had good balance throughout their lives, the weight may drop even lower.”

Word of caution. This isn’t a one size fits all approach. Hormone levels need to customized to your exact needs. Then you need to monitor that. My advice? Find a good doctor, someone who specializes in this stuff. It doesn’t hurt if he’s good looking, too (have you seen Dr Honing’s picture?).

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Danger of Denying Menopause Signs

Most of us were raised to believe the right attitude is the key that can open any door. But come menopause, it’s a whole new whole world—one where no amount of positive thinking can compensate for the physical changes brought on by a plunge in estrogen.

A friend is going through menopause and instead of facing it, she wants to talk about it.

“I mean,” she said earnestly, “Why do we even have to go through it in the first place?”

“Uh, why do I walk into walks before my morning coffee?” I said. “Life’s a mystery.”

Believe me, I’m not criticizing her. She’s in denial and so was I—for years. Her approach to menopause is to hope that what naturally happens to the body during menopause can, well, be ignored since eventually, things will, sort of, hopefully, self-correct.

Said self-correction being facilitated, of course, by the power of one’s mind. We’re talking positive thinking, being in the moment, or failing all that, a miracle.

Hmmm, nice try.

You see, back on the ranch, the hormones are out of the barn and all hell has broke lose. The body is on a downward spiral and nothing can bring it back.

You can knock yourself out with talk therapy, visualizations, or meditation (and I tried). You can follow weird diets, go on vision quests, or travel the world (and I did). But in the end, the old adage holds true, one kind of repair (getting your head together) can’t fix another kind of damage (menopause).

You fix the body by fixing the body.

Menopause Is a Physical Change with Emotional Consequences

The only reason I know this is because I held to the notion that the right attitude can cure anything as tightly as my thighs hold onto cellulite.

It took me years of hanging out with denial and its best friend, physical decline, to finally get that the body has a mind of its own. That “mind” is controlled by hormones, especially estrogen.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not making a case for you taking hormones after menopause. You’ll need to figure that out on your own.

I’m only saying, just because the mind and the body are two sides of the same coin, doesn’t mean you can tend to your mind and trust the body will be okay, too. The body needs its own kind of care.

Revisiting Hormones

Okay, I know, I’m repeating myself. And you’re probably thinking, ‘Well, duh, Pam.’

But here’s the thing: with all the negative news and controversy out there about taking hormones after menopause, a lot of women ran screaming from them.

And for the most part they haven’t come back.

That means that the one thing that might actually be able to help them (hormones) is not even on their radar. In fact, it’s forever banished from the universe of options.

Many women today have this mindset of, I’ll try anything but hormones. When the “anything” (usually some bogus supplement or therapy) fails to help, they blame themselves for getting fatter, crazier, more depressed, or what have you. Which is as crazy as losing your voice and then wondering why the hell you can’t sing.

Stalking a Scientist To Find the “Truth”

When I finally hit a wall after years of this kind of thinking, I did something I don’t recommend you try on your own. I stalked a hormone scientist for two years. I was determined to get to the bottom of the hormone controversy.

Eventually, I found the answers I needed and got myself on hormones. That’s a whole other story—one that you’ll hopefully be able to read about one day since I wrote a book about it.

All I’m saying here is the next time you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably in your closet, or standing in a puddle of your own sweat, or wondering how life suddenly got so dark and confusing, consider the hormones.

They helped make me normal. Well, at least physically speaking.

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Jack. In My Box.

Jack in The Box has now addressed the serious topic of menopause. And guess what? They’ve come up with a natural menopause treatment. All I can say is, thanks, Jack, for getting in my box and helping out. Check out Jack’s menopause solution on video here: The Jack Solution.

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