Sexiness

A Sexy Attitude is Ageless

You’re never too old to learn something new—like how giving up on “your sexy” is just plain old.

I was thinking about this the other day listening to an interview on NPR with Lindsey Vonn. What got me wasn’t so much her winning a gold medal in the super G, the fact that she uses men’s skis, her superstar youthful looks, or even her powerful athletic body.

It’s her attitude.

She’s direct, honest, opinionated, funny, strong, and focused. She does what she wants to. She calls it like she sees it. She is exactly, unapologetically herself.

She is, in short, sexy.

This came through loud and clear in the interview when they asked her about her decision to appear in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue wearing a bikini and even less.

“I honestly thought it was a great opportunity,” Vonn explained to NPR. “I mean, I’m not a skinny model, I’m an athlete, I have muscles. And I think that it’s great that I’m given the opportunity to show that. It’s a lot different body image than what’s normally out there.”

Okay, stop right there. I know what you’re thinking: it’s easy to have that sexy attitude when you’re a young, beautiful Olympian.

But just consider: there are plenty of Olympian women out there who are young and beautiful but don’t have Vonn’s attitude.

Now if you can accept sexy is just an attitude, why is it so many women over forty seem to have forgotten that? It’s as though they’ve shut their sexy down, locked the door and thrown away the key. Oh sure they might still look sexy, what with all the anti-aging this-and-that available today, but they don’t feel or think sexy. They’re what I call the “pseudo-sexy.” They’ll spend a lot of money and time trying to look sexy, but it’s not to have sex—that’s the last thing on their minds. It’s to make them feel better about themselves and to get attention. Basically, they’re insecure show offs.

I know this because I blog about sex and the older woman and I get a lot of feedback, or I should say, flak, for it. The flak comes in the form of judgment, disapproval, or even behind-my-back vicious gossip.

Here’s the interesting part. What I’ve noticed about the flak-givers is they’re all members of the pseudo-sexy club. The people with the cool attitude, the ones who actually like sex, they just laugh.

So here’s to you dear, laughing readers. May you keep on with your wonderful ageless attitude, knowing that even though you get lots of sex, it’s the “pseudo-sexies” who are really fucked.

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The Secret to My Sexual Desire

Oh my hearts! Another Valentine’s Day is upon us and I’ve not a thing to wear.

Turns out that’s perfect because nudity is probably just what he’s looking for. Men are basic that way.

But what if you’re not? What if you need the candles and chocolates and fancy dinner to get “interested?” Here are some seasonedsex tips on what works and what doesn’t so you can both enjoy a perfect Valentine’s day and night.

First, let’s look at food—does it work? According to a recent New York Times article, there’s no evidence that food is truly aphrodisiac. Any affects that are noticed are highly subjective and often dependent on cultural differences.

I’m afraid that’s even true for chocolate. Food researchers say while chocolate is romantic and pleasurable to eat, it’s reputation as an aphrodisiac is highly exaggerated. It does contain some chemicals like phenylethylamine, which produce feelings of euphoria. But a 130-pound person would have to eat 25 pounds of chocolate in one sitting to significantly alter mood.

I don’t know about you, but sex would be the last thing on my mind after eating almost 20% of my body weight in chocolate.

Other research has shown that chili peppers quicken the pulse and induce sweating, mimicking the state of sexual arousal, as well as stimulating the release of endorphins, which play a role in sexual pleasure. Another small study found men appear to be susceptible to the scent of doughnuts mingled with licorice. For women, first place for most arousing was a tie between baby powder and the combination of Good & Plenty candy with cucumber. But beware cherries and smell of meat cooked over charcoal—those cause a sharp drop in excitation among women.

Clearly then food’s not to be relied on. Like me, you probably already know this and gave up baking chocolate penises a long time ago. But what to do when the demands and stresses of life are getting in the way of your V-day desire?

Here’s my little secret. It’s called AddLib and I discovered it about a year ago. For me, Addlib kicks in quickly, at which point, I just have to have it. And yes, I sell AddLib on my shopping page (at a 10% discount to seasonedsex readers) but I’m not paid to extol its virtues. I just use it and it works.

AddLib is a 100% natural, hormone-free, drug-free product that contains clinically tested herbal extracts and vitamins. The active ingredient is a Fenugreek seed extract that acts similar to testosterone in the body.

So this Valentine’s day, add some libido and drive him crazy. The company stands behind its products with a 30 day risk free money back guarantee so what have you got to lose?

PS: G Stimulating Lubricant is also an amazing product but we wouldn’t want to give him a heart attack now would we?

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Female Hormones and Weight Gain

Calling all chubby cougars. Here’s weight loss help! Everything you need to know about female hormones and weight gain.

Recently, I got invited to a cougar-themed birthday party. The birthday girl was turning 40 and wanted to celebrate her finally qualifying for the club that has more fun (the cougar club–what else?) by forcing all her friends to wear animal prints and behave very badly.

So far, so good, right?

Except for when I arrived and scoped out the “jungle scene,” I couldn’t help but notice that most of the cougars were, well, on the chubby side.

Okay, they were fat.

Now before you go and flip out about that word, let me just say, it’s not about being a certain shape, as in a size zero. I’m nowhere close to that and never want to be. It’s about being in shape, whatever your shape may be. You know–fit, tight, a nice package, with nothing that could flap around in a strong wind. Put that in a bowl and you’ll have every cub in a hundred mile radius lapping it up.

So, what had happened to these gals (and guys)?

I can’t speak for the guys but I’ve got a pretty good idea about what happens for the gals. Blame it on hormones–specifically, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. When you hit your forties, they just aren’t working in your favor anymore.

What’s a cougar to do? Why talk to a doctor, of course. But not just any doctor—someone who specializes in hormones and the haywire they can cause.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go far to find one. Dr Eric Honing of BodyLogicMD specializes in hormone balancing, anti-aging and regenerative medicine using bioidentical hormones. Most of his practice is women over forty. I called him up and asked him if he could help slim a chubby cat. He kindly obliged, sympathetic, as he is, to the fact that weight is a huge issue for women.

I’ve summarized what he told me here:

WHEN PROGESTERONE DROPS: Starting in the thirties, women begin to experience the effects of so called “estrogen dominance.” This happens when progesterone levels drop and results in weight being put on around belly and thighs. There are other symptoms, too, including: loss of energy, anxiety, depression, irritability, edema, drop in libido, and poor sleeping. “At this stage,”
says Dr Honing, “We focus on restoring levels of progesterone using bioidentical hormone in capsule or cream form. It’s very effective.”

WHEN ESTROGEN DROPS: As women get closer to menopause, they begin to experience a drop in estrogen, bringing symptoms, such as, hot flashes, loss of skin elasticity, increased skin wrinkling, poor memory, low libido, and increased urinary tract infections. Estrogen also helps keep brain serotonin levels up (similar to antidepressants, which also increase serotonin levels). When serotonin drops, it triggers sugar cravings. “At this stage,” says Dr Honing, “We’re monitoring to restore estrogen.”

WHEN TESTOSTERONE DROPS: Testosterone is also important for regulating weight. It helps reduce body fat, and build muscle mass and tone. It also increases libido and improves mood. Testosterone starts dropping in the thirties so it’s important to restore this hormone, too.

Progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen are just the beginning. Dr Honing explained that it’s also important to check the adrenal glands and the thyroid gland. The adrenals make DHEA and cortisol. DHEA affects weight because half of the testosterone our body makes comes from DHEA. Cortisol also affects weight: if it’s too high due to, say, a stressful lifestyle, it causes weight gain. If it’s too low due to, say, burn out (adrenal exhaustion), the body has a hard time shedding excess weight no matter how much you diet or exercise. Restoring progesterone levels and taking adrenal supplements help rebuild the adrenals, as does reducing stress and exercising.

Dr Honing also assesses thyroid levels and checks for insulin resistance. Insulin resistance increases the ratio of fat to muscle. It’s related to a diet high in refined carbohydrates, smoking, and high alcohol consumption.

So let’s say you find a Dr Honing in your area and you fix all your hormones, what can you expect? Will the weight just drop off?

Nothing is that simple. “We look at everything—fitness, supplements, diet, stress, and hormones, says Dr Honing, “Because one thing can affect everything else.” The great thing about restoring balance, he adds, is that it pays dividends on every level of your life. And the weight loss? “You can expect to restore your normal body weight,” says Dr Honing, “And for some women who have not had good balance throughout their lives, the weight may drop even lower.”

Word of caution. This isn’t a one size fits all approach. Hormone levels need to customized to your exact needs. Then you need to monitor that. My advice? Find a good doctor, someone who specializes in this stuff. It doesn’t hurt if he’s good looking, too (have you seen Dr Honing’s picture?).

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My Gray Hair Makeover

It recently became clear to me that I am staking too much on a new haircut. Now that I’ve broken up with my cub, I feel I need a new beginning, a “freshened up look,” as my Mom would say. Can a new haircut really give you a new lease on life? I was about to find out.

I’d been inclining towards a change for a while now. The first stage was to cut my long hair to just above my shoulders. I’d grown it long so I didn’t have to worry about regular cuts. I’d also been dying it a brown because that’s the only color that would cover my abundant gray. Being a home dye job though, my hair wound up looking black and the bathroom walls need repainting because I’d splattered splotches of hair dye everywhere.

My black hair solicited all kinds of comments–everything from “witchy,” to “Goth,” to “makes you look ten years older.” I could live with everything except the “makes you look older.” So, I decided to lighten up the color by letting the gray show. And then I’d get a short haircut, something like Sharon Stone’s messy pixie cut, or whatever they call it in salon-speak.

I figured this out while brushing my teeth. Between the flossing, the bushing, and the rinsing with the blue fluoride stuff (because my dentist says my enamel is thinning–another benefit of aging), there’s a good 10 minutes to hash out the important life issues.

The next day I found myself seated in from of David Fletcher, master stylist, confidante, image consultant, sounding board, and artist. He’d just opened Dylan’s, a hip new barbershop and salon near my favorite wine bar in Phoenix. David approaches hair with the same zen-like mastery as I demonstrate when eating a chocolate bar (though I eat faster than he cuts ñ and that dear reader is the power of practice). He trained under Vidal Sassoon and has colored and cut the hair on the heads of some of the sexiest people on earth.

And now it was time for little ol’ me.

I sat obediently in the giant black chair as he ran his expert hands through my frizzy black hair.

“We’ll be using the crossover strategy today,” explained David with the gravity of a surgeon. I looked up at him in the mirror, awe and wonder sparkling in my eyes. Crossover strategy? Wow.

“My head is in your heads,” I said solemnly. “Do as you wish.”

David started cutting, his hands and the scissors moving faster and faster until they were just a blur. Then came the color. By applying a honey brown, a color midway between the dark brown and my natural gray, he would blend the extremes into a natural balanced look.

“That way the gray looks great as it grows in,” he said. “And we tone down the dark brown so it’s not so harsh.”

He wasn’t kidding. The effect was brilliant. And the short hair? Well, you be the judge…

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