Floppy Penis Got You Frustrated?

The other day I got an email from a girlfriend who was debating whether or not to stay with her new boyfriend. Apparently Mr. Wonderful was wonderful in every way except in the sack. There, what should get all large and in charge just curled up and hid like a big peanut left in the bowl to rot.

At first it was okay, she says, because he’s so sweet, romantic and attentive. There was a lot of cuddling and fondling and kissing and caring going on. Eventually, though, that became tiresome. Without what she considered to be the coup de grâce of intercourse, she began to feel cheated, deprived even.

It became clear that Mr. Wonderful would do anything for her except deal with his obvious problem of Erectile Dysfunction (ED). As the resentment grew, emotions cooled. Soon the only cooing to be heard was from the annoying pigeons under her roof.

Finally she was left with the decision: do I stay and learn to live with Little Floppy? Or, do I move on, abandoning a good man?

That at least is how she saw it. My take is a little different.

First off, you have to wonder who’s the selfish one. Is it her because he wasn’t promising anything from the start – he’d always had ED – and now she was getting ready to jump ship because sex was missing some little thing? Or, was it him – he wouldn’t acknowledge her obvious conflict and sexual frustration? Or what if he did see it but was ignoring it? Isn’t that even worse?

I didn’t have to think too hard about this before I came up with my two words of advice. Dump. Him. And then I threw in a third word, Now.

I know that sounds callous and mean, but, hey, I’m all about seasoned sex. That means we know better – ourselves, others, and what’s likely to happen next. Being seasoned gals, we know that any guy who isn’t going to take on a problem as obvious as ED isn’t likely to be a guy worth sticking around for. He’s in massive denial. You just know he’s not going to do what it takes to keep the relationship clicking along. He can’t even keep his life clicking along.

Of course my friend was offended that I took the words out of some healthier part of her brain – the part that she pretends she doesn’t have. She got mad. Called me selfish. Hung up abruptly. And then called back five minutes later to debate it further.

That’s okay. I understand – she’s internally conflicted. Raised to be caring and compassionate, most women will err on the side of sacrifice, taking a hit for the team is just our job, our lot in life, isn’t it? We’ve had years of experience putting the relationship above our individual needs.

What a pile of doo-doo. I don’t know about you, but I’m just too old to be saving men from ED just for a few cuddles. Plus I got one really important life to take care of. It’s called mine. And as it turns out, I’m the only one who can do it. You know what they say, it takes two strong people to make a strong relationship. Start compensating for another to make something work and you haven’t got a relationship anymore. You’ve got codependence. And that ain’t sexy.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ll take one for the team once in a while but only if the team is working it, too. In this case, the team wasn’t doing a damn thing to win. It wouldn’t matter how much my friend sacrificed, how sexually frustrated she became in the process, or how much she begged and prodded him to take care of his body. The team would always deliver up a big loss – a big score of, Not tonight dear, I have a peanut stuck between my legs.

This isn’t about, Do I stand by my man? This is about standing by you. It’s also about remembering something else. It’s a big world out there. You’ll find another nut.

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