Are You Ready for the Kegel Olympics?

Imagine a piece of soft, stiff pink plastic, about 1/8” thick and about an inch wide. You fold it in half to form what looks like a giant pink wishbone or a letter “V.” Then, you put that in your vagina, pointed end first (you’ll need a little lubricant – trust me). Squeeze and hold. You are now Kegeling, or more precisely you’re using a Gyneflex to Kegel. It’s nothing short of the Kegel Olympics.

Yes, amazingly, people have created devices for exercising the muscles that keep your vagina toned. Apparently, this makes for stronger, longer orgasms. Also, apparently this is nothing new. Those giant solid marbles you’ve maybe seen in colorful silk boxes at Chinese markets? They’re actually Ben Wa balls. You pop them in your vagina and then forget about them (apparently that’s possible). Your muscles strengthen as they contract to keep the balls from dropping out.

The thought of giant marbles falling from my crotch as I walked out of a meeting, say, wasn’t that appealing. So, I opted for the Gyneflex instead to test out all the kafuffle over Kegels.

Now I confess. I’ve always been curious about Kegels but prior to discovering the Gyneflex, I was your typical amateur. A little here, a little there and I’m on to dental flossing, or whatever.

What I needed was a disciplined practice, I told myself. And, now, the giant pink wishbone on my night table was serving as a constant reminder. Soon Mr Kegel himself would be writing me letters of congratulations.

The first thing I noticed during my Gyneflex “session” was that having something to squeeze against focused my effort more intensely. The second thing I noticed is because the plastic has to be somewhat stiff for resistance, it’s not that comfortable. You need to be sure to get in the right position. Think Pap smear: you lie face up with your knees bent without moving an inch (except to squeeze, of course).

Once you get used to it, though, Kegeling with the Gyneflex becomes second nature. Be sure to wash it thoroughly after each use. I leave mine to dry on the towel rack. It looks like a giant pink clothespin.

All this effort is of no consequence unless it makes sex better of course. I waiting for that moment when I’d have an orgasm so intense, my head would pop off. But instead, I was too exhausted down there for sex. After a week, I couldn’t squeeze my Gyneflex let alone a hot dog.

“What’s wrong?” asked the Prince (code for boyfriend) after I had begged off sex.

I broke down and confessed. “I’ve overdone it,” I said dropping my head in shame. “I need some recovery time.”

“Only you could over-Kegel,” he asked without batting an eye.

I elaborated on how I had taken Kegeling to a new level with the Gyneflex. He still wasn’t impressed.

“I just use a towel,” he said. “A wet towel,” he added with a sly grin.

I gulped. Hard. How would I ever keep up? Well, I guess it’s true what they say, no pain, no gain. From here on in, it would be me and the Gyneflex and a lot of long, lonely nights.

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