Erotica DIY

Dear Honey: Please come home early and we can make O.J. together. (example of an erotic note to send your partner at work)

What do you do when your significant other asks for naked pictures or even erotic video of you doing whatever it is you do to get off? Not only that, he asks it with an urgency as in, “If you agree to do this, I’m at Best Buy getting a camcorder now.”

I didn’t know how to advise my, err, friend. But I know someone who does: Kelly Shibari. She owns a production company, PrivateXXXStudios. On her blog, “Brains Before Beauty,” she describes herself as “a mold-breaking Adult Industry professional with multiple college degrees, a Mensa-grade IQ, and a penchant for techno-geek steampunk.”

Now maybe I don’t know what “steampunk” is but I do know, if Kelly can’t help here, no one can. Here’s part one of our interview:

SeasonedSex: Is this even a good idea? How do men typically respond to receiving erotica from their partners? How do women react?

Kelly: I think that women 40 and older are very much in touch with their sexuality and/or sensuality.  I’m 36 now and have a better understanding of my body and how things work. In fact, I like it more than I ever did in my 20s, and that’s probably true for many women.

It’s a wonderful idea to present erotica to your partner. But I do suggest that if a relationship is more “vanilla” in nature, then perhaps you could start by introducing your partner to the idea of watching porn together. After all, if you and your partner are the flannel-pjs-and-reading-glasses type rather than the lacy-negligee type, you might scare your partner into retreating under the bed when presented with something overtly sexy out of the blue!

SeasonedSex: Let’s say you’re somewhere in between flannel and lacy, where do you starts?

Kelly: You might want to get comfortable with the idea of watching erotica by starting with a soft-core Cinemax or Showtime late night movie (I often call those Skinamax or ShowMe movies). Then you can work up from there, going to creating a self-made erotic film as a great, sexy, stop-him-in-his-tracks present for a special occasion.

I also have to go on a slight tangent and mention that erotic movies are not the only way to go. Written erotica might be a wonderful way to keep the spark going (or even get it started), especially when it’s exchanged through email. There are dozens of “free erotica” sites online. A woman could read those to get ideas on what to write. From personal experience, nothing gets a person warmed up more than little erotic notes about what a partner wants to do when they get home! You can also get creative and add images to the emails…pictures of a legs with stockings and high heels, or lips, or even a picture of a dining room table with candles can add a visual spark. And it doesn’t have to be long. Sometimes a single well-written steamy paragraph can do the trick (and doesn’t get too much in the way of his work, but is just enough to keep him thinking about it all day).

SeasonedSex: Some women may not worry too much about privacy. Others are completely freaked that their video might end up on youtube (they wish…). What do you recommend in terms of taking measures to protect your booty on video?

Kelly: I am a little hesitant to suggest that the gentleman take the DVD with him out of town. After all, he might forget it at the hotel, or worse. I would send it to him as part of an email to surprise him during a business trip. Or I would keep the DVD at home, unless you’re truly an exhibitionist! YouTube has enough filters to remove a lot of adult content, but there are plenty of free porn sites where there is always a possibility of a scene getting out if your partner isn’t discreet, or if he simply misplaces it (you know how guys can be sometimes, especially if they are distracted by a sexy woman!). In that case masks and wigs are always available, or you can avoid shooting the face completely.

SeasonedSex: What do you do if your 15-minutes of butt-naked fame goes viral?

Kelly: Should a video “leak,” results can either be devastating or humorous. I think it depends on the person and their environment. Personally, if someone were to come up to me about some home-made movie that I had presented to my husband (hypothetically speaking), I would chuckle and ask if they were interested in making one themselves, since I had the camera to help make one for them. I’ve found that humor and laughter can defuse most potentially sticky situations, even for the most conservative people. You’re not trying to be a porn star, after all; you’re working on your relationship with your life partner.

Stay tuned for part two coming up next. Kelly will share some tips on how to do your own video. Not that I’m curious or anything.

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